Bet you didn't know that back in the day, 1997 that is, DC put out a Christmas comic. Well now you do know. DCU Bash is a comic with many short Holiday themed stories all about different characters. All the stories are written by different people and drawn by different artist, plus most stories are ten pages or less, so you can read a few and not feel compelled to keep going if you so wish. This week I'll be looking at the story titled Flash: Present Tense. But do not think I'll just stop after that. There are many more good stories and messages in this comic alone. So lets turn off our brains and grab some ice (it'll make sense later, trust me) it's time to enjoy Flash: Present Tense.
I do want to talk about the cover real quick. The cover is very awesome. I love the image of a group of, let's call them heroes, all gathered around the Christmas tree. I want to say how lucky Kyle is on the far right. There are tons of guys who would love to say they kissed Catwoman.
This story focuses on Wally West, aka The Flash. He is decorating for a christmas party while wearing a tacky sweater. Truly it is christmas. After he is done making the house up for the party, Wally gets to wrapping his gift for his girlfriend, Linda. The gift is the worlds faster microwave oven. This would be fine but Wally himself said that he did not get any hints about what Linda wanted. So you got her a kitchen appliance? Dude, Wally, bad move. When a girl does not say she wants anything, you really don't want to give her something that says "I want you to cook for me". Of course, Wally runs out of tape and catches Linda on the phone.
Where it turns out that Linda did tell Wally what she wanted this year. Wally, being a man, of course does not remember what that is because he was most likely not listening to his girlfriend. Ok ok, that was mean. But come on, you know this time it's true. After easedropping on his girlfriends, Wally learns not only can his super microwave shapeshift into a bowling ball (yes, I get it is like when a cartoon looks like a donkey, or a jackass if you must) but that she told him about it while they were at a department store. Thinking fast, Wally runs out of the house, saying that he needs to get ice. Ice, in the middle of winter. Smooth Wally. Real smooth.
Well at least Wally knows that saying he was going out for ice was stupid, so points there. He remembers that the talk happened while he and her were near the worlds ugliest sweater and . . . wait. Wally's Flash hood is down. Last time I checked, Wally's identidy was suppose to be a secret. I do admit that I don't know everything so if his ID was public I don't know, but I am like 90% sure it is not. And even if it was public, shopping as the Flash? Really? You hoping for a discount or something Wally? Anyway, Wally picks up the first thing he finds, a scarf. The cashier says it is a great cashimere scarf, but Wally remembers that Linda is allergic to cashmere. He could not have taken a nano second to look at the label? He's the freak'n Flash!
So after that mistake, he runs all the way to California. After a pit stop to look at the giant dinosaurs from the Wizard and Pee Wee's movie (at least that is what I'd hope he does) he has a quick moment of flashback to Linda talking to him right by that sweater. Again, he was only looking at her rather then listening. Take note male viewers. Doing that might be a bad idea. Anyway, Wally went to California to buy make-up. Yeah, the real reason is because he needed more time and with the whole time zone thing, he got more time, but still. Anyway, after taking off his Flash hood (seriously, why even wear the costume at all?) and noticing the ugly sweater in the store, he gets the make up. The store clerk, after ringing up his credit card, tells him that his wife should already have a team to do her make up since she is a news reporter. Wally agrees but the clerk says no refunds. Well humbug to you to lady.
Next stop on the Flash world tour? Hawaii. And what gift is he buying this time? Rings. Sigh, sure, why not? Turns out the ugly sweater is being sold here as well. Not sure why since when was the last time someone in HAWAII NEEDED A SWEATER?! Also, no costume hood. The clerk says the rings he bought were really wedding bands. Wally, scared of commitment, is scared by this. So he runs off again. Is it me, or is this story just starting to drag on? The last three pages were all the same. Wally runs to store, finds item, buys item, notices ugly sweater, notices that the gift he bought is not for his girlfriend, gives gift to random old couple, and runs off. Gee, I wonder what's going to happen on the next page?
Oh look, Flash is in Hong Kong. Oh look, Flash is thinking about getting something random for his girlfriend. Oh look, Flash without his hood. Yeah, after some depressed talk, Flash walks out of the store defeated. That is until he turns his head and notices something evil off panel. What is this evil you ask?
Why more of the sweaters. A whole store of them. I could make a sweat shop joke, but I like to think I am above that. After looking at the sweaters, Wally tries to fill in the blank in his mind by himself. Of course, all the words he puts into her mouth are wrong. After thinking a bit and watching couples walk by, he gets it. And like the readers, he face palms when he finally does get it.
He got her the ugly sweater. You may all facepalm now, I'll wait.
...
You all good? Ok then. The real reason for the sweater is to serve as a reminder of the talk they had right by it. Now that Wally remembers, he tells Linda that all she wanted was him to listen to her. Yeah, kinda screwed that up, huh Wally? But I guess all is well at the end since we have a nice Christmas card picture of Wally and Linda kissing.
Well, all things being equal, this was an okay story. The sweater as a key plot point was creative enough, the art was very good for 90's art, and the overall message of how you should always listen to your loved ones is always nice to hear. Where it does fall short is on how the Flash can get away with running around with his mask off and paying for items with a seemingly endless credit card rating.
Well next week is the last of the month, and I do have one more day of Christmas comics planned. I'll try my hardest to get it up, but since I will be away for the weekend, no promises.
All images are owned by DC.
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