Mmmm. Subway Sandwiches. Good for you, good for your wallet, and good in comics? Well ok, that last one might be a stretch.
Back during the August event known as Flashpoint, Subway released 4 mini ad comics, all of them 6 pages in length and that does not include covers, in different books. These ad's had the title of 'Famous Fans'. They were simple and dumb, both in writing and art. Now these ad's were not that great as both marketing for Subway, and as Justice League titles, but they were what a comic book ad should be. If you ever read any of the hostess comic ads, you'd understand. You don't have to take my word for it. Because now you get to see my review of the Justice League / Subway comics.
The cover. Wow this is bland. The only one doing anything is Hal Jordan and even then all he is doing is making everything green, well greener. The guys in front of the floating heads of the Justice gods are even more boring. Nothing about this cover says 'active' to me.
Our three famous characters in this issue are Ndamukong Suh, Justin Tuck, and Michael Strahan. They're football players. I could have looked up more background info on these guys but as we read on, anything other then their names is kinda pointless to know in this book.They are in Hawaii for some kind of practice event and the Justice League is going to show up at half time. How the heck this event got the real Justice League and not some fat people in bad costumes, I'll never know. They are complaining about the heat. Boo hoo, you're in a tropical climate. It is now that I want you all to look at the third panel and tell me who is who. Myself, I don't care. They all look the same with this art style. Heck, I can only really tell them apart when I see their numbers on the back of their shirts. Shots of which are few and far between. Anyway, this page ends with the 6 and a half foot football players try to sneak away. If this was the real world, I think people would notice that 3 giants in green shirts hunched over like half an inch are walking away. Logic, how I miss thee.
The three of them get their sandwiches and go on and on about them. I get that this is an ad and they have to do all they can to sell the product, but aside from the talk about how Subway now has avocado, these panels are boring. What we do see later on is Aquaman being picked up by two divers. The three detectives think Aquaman is in trouble. To me, they look like normal divers you might see in Hawaii. Maybe they are even bringing Aquaman to shore to try and save him. They just jump the gun and think these guys are bad, even when the panel has not shown what they are doing at all.
And we see the divers did bring Aquaman to shore. Huh. Maybe they were good guys after all. Of course, that won't stop our lovable football players to tackle the two divers who may or may not be evil. It is also on this page that we get to see the true villains of this story, Ocean Master and Black Manta. Two of the biggest names in Aquaman's rogues. Rather then killing the weak football players outright, they rant about how the football players can't stop them. Ocean Master then shoots of a, what is that, a rope gun? Anyway, football player A gets his feet tied up and football player B says that was a close one. The attack hit your friend! How can it get any closer?! Or are you saying you put your friend in the way to take the attack for you?! What a jerk! Ugh. Anyway, Ocean Master gloats and, from the sky, comes a glowing green plastic shovel. Oh yippie, Green Lanterns here and. . .
. . .MY WORD! Look at Hal's face in the first panel! It is small as can be and creepy as heck!! It's the type of face that says villain to me. Uh, anyway, Hal puts the two villains in a bucket. Like I said in my Justice League review, USE SIMPLER CONSTRUCTS! Or at least make a lid or something. It's at this point that our diver friends decide to attack. Yes, men in wet suits, soaking in salt water, wearing oxygen tanks, and flippers on their feet, are fighting football players on the beach. Totally the best move they could have done. It is also here that somehow the bucket that Hal made tips over. No idea how that happened. Myself, I think Hal did it cause he was board. Anyway, Black Manta and Ocean Master escape with one of the Subway sandwiches! Truly they are earths greatest villains! They stole a sandwich! I also love how, in the last panel, stealing the sandwich is the point where Green Lantern says that Black Manta went to far. Trying to kill Aquaman is fine, but you don't steal a guys Subway!
It is on this page, 5 out the 6 pages in, that the writers remember 'oh yeah, this is a justice league book. We should have more heroes then just Green Lantern.' So Superman flies in and does, on screen, not a thing at all. The second panel is really confusing. Where did all these other divers come from? Last I saw, there were only like, two of them. Do the divers have cloning powers? Anyway, Ocean Master tries to make his escape when the Flash comes and makes a water tornado. If this was the REAL Ocean Master, he'd have a magic staff that has powers from the underworld, as well as he'd the ability to swim better since he does live underwater, but hey, this is Earth-Subway. Now this is also the page where the bad art is its easiest to see. Look at Wonder Woman. Methinks someone had too much McDonald's burgers and not enough Subway.
Ok. Last page. I can get through this. First panel has Batman looking over Aquaman. Ok, fine. But Bats, you might need to rethink wearing an all black costume on a hot day on the beach. Aquaman says that he should not go swimming alone.
...
Where did I put that red ring again? Ah, here it is. (puts ring on) HE'S FREAKING AQUAMAN! HE HAS THE POWER TO SUMMON (not talk) TO AQUA LIFE AND MAKE THEM HELP HIM! HE HAS SUPER STRENGTH, STAMINA, HEARING, AND EYESIGHT!! IF HE WAS TAKEN OUT BY 2 DIVERS AND MEN WHO ONLY WANT TO STEAL SANDWICHES, THEN ON EARTH-SUBWAY AQUAMAN IS THE WORST VERSION EVER!
(Takes ring off) So anyway, Wonder Woman ties up the divers. How much rope does she carry? Superman comes back with Black Manta and Green Lantern high fives one of the football players, saying the JUSTICE LEAGUE could not have stopped these villains without their help. One of the players grabs his sandwich back from Black Manta. Now of this was not Earth-Subway, the exchange would have been like this: 1) Football player takes sandwich back. 2) Black Manta kills the football player. Yeah, the real Black Manta would do that, not caring that the Justice League was there. Hal picks up Batman, Aquaman, and the Flash as all 3 of them fly off. Hold the phone. Why did the Flash get picked up as well? He's faster then all of them on foot. He could go to subway, buy 10 sandwiches, eat them all, and still make it to the stadium before anyone else. The comic ends with the 3 football players remembering they had practice today. I mean, it's not like they tried to sneak away for a sandwich which they could have ordered and had sent to the stadium. That would just be silly.
You can find this issue in a quite a few flashpoint #1 comics, since there were many different mini series. The issue I used for this review was Deadman and the Flying Graysons #1.
Come back next week when I look into the second of the Subway Ad's comics.
All images are owned by DC and Subway.
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