Well, I now remember why I only looked at this series once. Issue #2 is a mess and really should have been a clearer warning to what Mr. Glass was going to write in the near future. But you’ll all see it soon enough. This is Legion of Doom Issue #2.
This cover is sort of a lie. It shows a demonic Plastic Man killing Animal man. While there is a demonic Plastic man in the book, Animal man is a, well, a different animal. Really, this cover should be a red flag as to what is going to happen here.
The comic begins with our old buddy Heatwave burning Batman villain Zsasz. I know I said this last week, but it needs repeating. How does Heatwave, a man with a Fire MO, keep getting his hands on lighters and fuel? Where are the cameras that SHOULD be watching these guys at all times? Most secure prison, huh?
So Heatwave burned Zsasz alive while Zsasz’s crew was forced to watch from inside a barbed wire cage made 100% out of Plastic man. Heatwave says that they now have to join up with him, to which they protect. But Plastic man gets in closer and they agree, saying to have Heatwave call off ‘his Plastic man!’
Eel O’brian forms back into his human shape and is ticked off. Turns out the event that gave Eel his powers had a bit of a joker effect, driving Eel insane. That’s why he is a villain in this book. Yeah, I agree that is kind of a cop out for an answer.
With the non-meta prisoners all following him, Heatwave starts to lead an assault on, um, someone. The book never made it clear where he was going at this point. But look! Camera drones. Gee, sure would have been nice to see these things ANY TIME BEFORE NOW! Or to have these drones watching a cell or anything. The drones make this one show and that is it. Or maybe I am giving the prison too much credit. Maybe that was the one and only drone in the whole place and Plastic man just ate it. That would make sense as to why this prison has crap for security.
So while they are going down the hall, Heatwave and his men run into a group of meta prisoners. Atomic Skull and Heatwave have a little verbal fight which comes down to nothing more than ‘obey me or die’ from both sides of the fence. When talking fails to work, Skull sends out Buddy Baker, Animal man, to fight Heatwave one on one. This fight is going to be bad, and not in the good meaning.
The fight starts up with Heatwave winning against a powerless Animal man. Animal is powerless, of course, because of the collars all meta-powered villains wear in the prison. At least this place can do something right. Of course Skull can’t have his new guy loose, so Skull takes off Buddy’s collar. We get a reason why Skull can do this in a bit. So now Buddy is powered up and takes the abilities of a cockroach.
And the fight now goes in Buddy’s favor. Heatwave tries to kick Buddy in the nuts, but Buddy just flips and lands on the wall. Buddy picks up Heatwave and starts to strangle him. The last two panels on this page tick me off. Right up to this point, Buddy was just a scared man. He was accused of killing his family which, if there is ANYTHING in him from the world before Flashpoint, Buddy did not do. He was a frightened man in a place where he really does not belong looking only for a way to live with all these crooks. Some of which he might have even put there himself, but it is unclear if Buddy was a hero before this or not. I liked that idea of Buddy fighting Heatwave because he wants to stay alive. It would have been a very animal thing to do. But these last two panels on this page say screw it. Let’s just have Buddy be evil so people root for Heatwave. I would not have had as big a problem with this if this was built up, not just thrown at us in a moment. A big 180 like that should not just happen.
Of course we can’t have Heatwave loose, so he bites off Buddy’s nose. I did some light looking into for this and came up with nothing. I have no idea how easy or hard it is to bite off a nose. I know that breaking a nose changes from person to person, but ripping it right off in one clean motion? I got nothing.
So Heatwave drags a crying Buddy over to a random concrete slab someone left laying around, forces Buddy to bite down, and with one foot stomp, Heatwave smashes in Buddy’s skull. Again, I’m not sure if you can really break the skull in one move, more so for a guy like Heatwave. While Heatwave was dragging Buddy over there, he says that the only way to get the collar off of Buddy was if Skull had the key. The only way to get the key was to get it from the guards. Which means that the guards made Skull a go to guy. Which is stupid. It is fine to have a rat in the system, more so when your system is crap like this place. But you never give your rat a power like a key. That is just asking for trouble. The guards should promise him more rights in the jail, and maybe they throw a small bone here or there, but the key to the collars? The one thing that all the Meta’s want. No!
So while Amazo can easily beat up all the other prisoners, he takes one look at Heatwave WEARING Plastic man and his system crashes. Why word, why does Amazo suck so hard in this comic? Amazo should attack Heatwave and finish things now. Heh. This gets more stupid in a minute though.
Amazo says that is going to kill Heatwave and Amazo starts to charge up his energy fist. Heatwave tells Plastic man to wait until Amazo is a bit closer before attacking. I really can’t tell who is dumber. Heatwave saying do not attack the robot that can SHOOT DEATH BEAMS FROM HIS HAND and wait until he is closer, or Amazo for not using said death beams. So when Amazo ‘gets closer’, Plastic man flies right into Amazo’s eye. Plastic man comes out holding something from the inside of the robot. Again, stupid levels get even higher here.
Ray Palmer, The Atom, was driving Amazo this whole time.
(Puts on red ring)
THE FLYING HECK?! THE ATOM WAS DRIVING AMAZO, THE ANDROID WHO WAS MADE TO COPY ALL THE POWERS OF ANY BEING AND USE THEM AS HIS OWN AND THEY STILL LOST?! TO HEATWAVE, A SECOND STRING VILLAIN FROM THE FLASHES ROUGES?! IF THE ATOM WAS DRIVNG THE WHOLE TIME, WHY DID AMAZO HAVE TROUBLE SHOOTING HEATWAVE JUST 2 PAGES AGO?! WHY WOULD AMAZO HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH ANY MACHINE THINKING IF HE IS JUST A MECH?! WHY IS THIS COMIC NOTHING MORE THEN A STUPID LOVE LETTER TO HEATWAVE?! ARGH!
(Takes ring off)
So anyway, The Atom and Heatwave talk. We learn that The Atom lost his leg to radiation poisoning from his shrink belt, which is dumb but whatever. Heatwave then tells Atom to show him where the weapons locker is for all the villains.
The Atom says that there is no way any of their weapons are going to help. Heatwave replies that maybe there is a meta or two who can. But he needs to know where he can get a key. Oh you mean like THE KEY ATOMIC SKULL HAD AND USED TO UNLOCKED BUDDY’S COLLAR?! If you needed a key so bad, why didn’t you get that one? I am so not joking. If he needed a key, what was wrong with the one right in front of his face? This book already shows that Heatwave is the luckiest villain alive, so getting that key and not taking any damage would have been fine. But if he grabbed the key, we could not have had this great scene where he kills The Atom.
And so this issue ends with Heatwave saying that his plan this whole time was to crash the prison right into Detroit, where Cyborg is based. Why was the prison flying over a populated area? What was wrong with the unpopulated swamp of death from the last issue?
All images (c) DC
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