Alright, show of hands. Who remembers this ‘reality show’? Stan Lee, the debatable greatest comic man ever, had his own reality show back in 2006. It was an alright show but the elimination aspect was bad (Stan Lee just says who he does not like) and the show was really scripted at times, well, more so then other reality shows. But the so called winner got his own comic at the end of the run. Well here it is, my review of this so bad it’s. . . . . .Well, ok, it’s bad. I know I have not used this in a while, but turn off your brain and grab a snack, here is “Who wants to be a Superhero: Feedback”
Okay, the cover. Yeah, there is nothing. This is the worst cover I have looked at to date. It’s just white. Seriously, where the artists that lazy to do anything here?
We then get some history on the character. This shows us that he reads Marvel comics and plays video games. What I take from it is that he just talks to himself for his whole life. Seriously, I was and still am a social outcast, but even I never talked to my video games saying that I like to pretend I have powers. Dude, you need a better childhood.
Anyway, he grows up and tells someone on the phone it is time to stop daydreaming. I like to think it is his psychologist on the other side of the line. He gets some work from an arcade nearby. When he gets there and works on the broken machine, some punks are all happy about how they can shoot down 2000 ships in 5 minutes. Our main character says that that score is nothing. To translate, he is saying that his penis is bigger than the other guys. He is then forced to play the game. Of course he gets 2000 ships in 2 minutes. This makes the punks angry and they attack.
I would normally shake my head at this, but I have seen people get really angry while playing Team Fortress 2 when other characters are not at “their lvl of skillz”. The fist fight busts right out the window and into the street. That has to be some of the weakest window glass possible. The fight also falls right in front of some cops on a donut run. Ah stereotypes. The cops break up the fight and send our hero to the hospital. While he is staying at the hospital, he meets his love interest, Hello Nurse. Ok, her real name is Sarah and she is as horny as you can get. This scene is just a bunch of T and A.
Anyway, as our hero leaves, Matt (we finally learn his name like 6 pages in) gets pulled aside by a man in a trench coat and duster hat. He says he has a job for Matt from the Pentagon. Duster man takes Matt to his secret lair and shows himself to be a Terminator!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the stupidest villain ever. When I say stupid, I mean that his IQ is about as powerful at a typewriter. First problem I have with the guy is that it is very clear that he works with at least two other people. While they are punks, they are normal humans in fact. So if he has lackeys, why did he go out and recruit Matt himself? Oh spoilers, Ironside is evil. I have other problems with him, but if I go over them all now, you’ll get bored.
Ironside says that he needed Matt’s help to do some final touches on his super car. Matt does not see the car and Ironside lowers it from the ceiling with an electro-magnet. Alright, I have another issue with Ironside already. Why is your super car being held up with an electro-magnet? Seriously, the comic gives us zero reason why he has this. The best thing I can come up with is that it was a tax write off. Also, won’t the magnet sorta, kinda, FRY THE CIRCUITRY?! Man this cyborg is stupid.
Ironside then drives Matt and the car out of the city so Matt can do his job. Again, if you were going to go away anyway, why the heck did you even stop at your secret lair?! There was no point. So Matt sync’s up his Commodore 64 controller, yes I am serious here, to the car and does tech stuff. No idea what he does but here is hoping that he is just playing a floppy disk game. Matt does jack all and finally asks who this big bad villain is.
And Ironside punches him, showing that he is the villain. Yet again, here is another problem I have with Ironside. Why trick Matt in the first place? If you were just using him, then why not just kidnap him and force him to do nothing to your car from the start? Why do this whole plot? Ironsides only reason for doing anything is that he is evil, I guess. Really, I just think Ironside is running off Windows Vista and he just keeps crashing. Right as Ironside is about to kill Matt, a lightning bolt comes down from the heavens. Ok, I would lose points if I don’t say this.
SHAZAM!
Ironside thinks Matt is dead and just leaves the dead body there. Again, stupid villain. But Kathy, you are all saying, Matt got hit with lightning. Most people would think that Matt is dead as well. Yes, I agree. But you always double check and make sure the guy is dead. Or at least get rid of the body. So while Ironside is on a stealing montage, Matt gets right back up.
He says that because he was holding his game controller, the lightning gave him superpowers, as well with all the knowledge on how to use them.
I have not talked about the art yet but I was waiting for this page. I do have to admit that the colors and shading they have in this book is top notch. The characters are all visually memorable and the locations are all awesome.
Anyway, that’s enough with happy Kathy. Let’s go back to raging Kathy. Where is my red ring again?
Like most Stan Lee heroes, he pulls his superhero name, Feedback, right out of his butt and he is off. But first he stops to help a lost child. This is a throwback to the TV show. One of the first ever missions on that show were to change into your superhero costume without people noticing you and running to a finish line. Right before the finish line, there is a child crying for someone to help her. Of course, this was a text of the heroes. A few stopped, most ran past. I forget if Feedback ran or not, but this scene was nothing more than padding.
Matt returns him and says to no one that he needs a costume, but he can’t sew a stitch. So who does he call? Why he calls the doctor he just met yesterday. I guess he figures that all doctors know how to sew, since they must all do stitches on humans. Anyway, since she is horny as all for this guy, she comes right over and agrees to make him his costume. She even makes it in under a day.
Ok, I have cosplayed in the past and I know that sewing costumes is hard. How the flip did she get this costume made in under a day? Or what, does she have some kind of superhero foreplay she does with all the guys and already had this costume laying around? I don’t know, this comic is stupid.
Feedback kisses her and runs away to Ironside’s lair, saying that he’ll have sex with her later. Now we see how much of an idiot Ironside was. Feedback knows where they are based and sure enough, when he gets there, they are all inside. There are no cameras watching the place, no, just one random patrolling group. While Feedback fights these thugs, Ironside sends the car on remote to a nuclear plant. Why Ironside wants to blow it up is never explained. Feedback then decides to get 5 feet away from Ironside and tell him that his plan will fail. Ironside is surprised that Feedback is alive. You know this would not have happened if you just made sure the body is dead.
Ironside sick’s his thugs on Feedback. Feedback says that he does not want to waste his powers on these guys. Why? You are just a nerd who got super powers less than 24 hours ago. I could understand if he did not want to kill these guys, but come on man. Of course, Feedback quickly falls.
I love how one thug just has a random wooden chair to smash over Feedback’s back. Anyway, Feedback shocks them. So much for not wanting to use your powers, you idiot. Ironside gets ready for his big fight, but Feedback just turns on the Electro-Magnet. Ironside is now pulled up and stuck. The electro-magnet was such a good investment, wasn’t it Ironside?
Ironside begs for his life, but Feedback says screw you as he uses the remote control to call back the super car. Feedback runs away, leaving Ironside and his men in the building right as the car comes back and blows the whole place up.
Ah, there is my red ring. (Puts red ring on finger)
WHAT THE FUCK?! FEEDBACK JUST KILLED AT LEAST 7 MEN! YES, THE MEN ROBBED A FEW BANKS BUT OVER THE COURSE OF THIS BOOK, THEY REALLY KILLED NO ONE AT ALL. THEY WANTED TO KILL MATT, SURE, BUT REALLY THEY DID NOTHING AT ALL TO MATT. YOU WANT TO KNOW THE WORST PART OF ALL THIS? FEEDBACK IS HAPPY THAT HE KILLED THEM! NO JOKE. READ THE IMAGE ABOVE AND YOU’LL SEE THAT MATT IS DOWN RIGHT EVIL! FUCK HIM AND HIS PUNISHER BRAND OF HEROICS.
(Removes ring)
So the comic ends with Matt and Sarah at Matt’s place, about to have some hardcore super powered sex.
Man I hate this comic. Like I said, the art is fine, it’s just this story is one big mess. The villain is as smart as a steel plate, the hero is about as un-heroic as you can get, and there is zero subtlety in everything you can think of. The only reason I could possibly think of why this book is an utter load is that Stan Lee (the sole writer on this book) put no effort into it at all, thinking that if he puts his name on it, then he’ll get money. Well he did get mine, but I hope after you read this review, he won’t get yours.
All images (c) Dark Horse
All images (c) Dark Horse
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